Alcoholism is a plague, a terrible disease. And it can and does affect many people. Some people can drink moderately, even get a bit drunk from times to times, and not become alcoholics. Some other just can't, and I'm one of them. i started drinking years ago. For the taste, the pleasure, the feeling. Never I imagined where it would lead me. The bottom of the pit. Hell indeed.
Little by little, I began to drink more, and more. I couldn't spend a day without at least one drink. Then two. After a while, every evening, I would indulge in my bottle of wine. Then two. Plus beers, or cocktails, and whwisky during the day. And it escalated. I hated my life, and I hated my job. So I started to drink in the morning, One bottle of wine before leaving. At lunch, I would always eat alone, to hide my drinking from others.
Silently, I had become physically dependant. Hooked on the booze. I was drunk all day. Nobody could tell though. I was behaving normally, (apparently). Physical depndance is something I would not whis to my worst enemy. After work, and before getting my dose, I would shake violently, even unable to hold a glass in my hand, so using a straw. I was feling so bad that I tried to kill myself twice, with pills.
Conscious I had a big problem, I decided to seek help and turned myself in at a psychiatric hospital in Paris for rehab. After 3 weeks, I was set free from this place were all the doors are locked and the windows barred, telling myself never again. I relapsed 3 more times. The last one was the hardest. I started drinking again, and began to wake up in the middle of the night with terrible withdrawal symptoms. Luckily, if if may say, I always had a bottle at hand, so I would silently go into the living room to get my wine. In the morning, I would wait, shaking, for the supermarket to open. I was drinking at least 4 litres a day.
One night, I decided I had enough. Packed a suitcase, and, the morning after, went again to the psych ward. I waited many hours to have a bed, and was in a semi coma when I finally got some anti withdrawal drugs. I slept 19 hours for a week
My doctor there had little hope for me. I was badly anaemic, and not willing to live any more.
But this time, it did the trick. On the 14th December 2012, I left the hospital with some medicines, including baclofene. I had lost everything. My job, all my money, and my self respect. I slowly began to rebuilt myself, with the help of my doctors, a very good online support group, and the little number of friends I still have.
Nearly one year later, I'm finally happy. Totally sober. Not a drop. I have plans; this blog is one of theses.
I wanted to write this story. I needed to. But I would like also to convey a message. If you have a drinking problem, get treated. As soon as possible. Once you realize it, do not wait. Get help. Being sober again, and rebuilding yourself may not be easy, but it is a definite path to a more balance life and happiness.
There are many groups that can help, and some new drugs like baclofene to curb your cravings.
There is hope
les centres d'aide
Help to quit drinking